I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
