now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
