Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize