I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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