this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize