The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
