he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
