she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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