I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I just put wine in my tea
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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