so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
