It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize