I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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