dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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