I'm really into asian looking animals
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
