Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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