hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
