He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
