out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
