So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
