So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
