He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
