Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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