The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
