WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The uberlube is also flammable
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
