we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
