At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
