I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
