You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
