hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
