My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
