Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i now understand why vodka
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
