just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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