I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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