Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
