I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
