I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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