i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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