i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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