85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize