I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
