Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
