oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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