How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
