Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
