dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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