found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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