Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
