I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize