theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
