She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
