i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
