I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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