member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pants are for mortals
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
