Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize