I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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