Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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