if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize