My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
