dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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