can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
