They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
