perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
