i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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