I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
