I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
