So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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