Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
