And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
