did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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