Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize