why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
