weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
