Can Purell be used as lube?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
