suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize