It's Friday. Sex?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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