I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
