she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
