My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
