Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
