I cannot find my penis.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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