Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
