U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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