I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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