Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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