I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
