Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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