I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
