Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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