I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
