Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
