i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
