is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
