The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you like me you must not know who I am
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
