can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
