Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
