i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
