i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
