k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize