I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
