waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You need Xanax blowdarts
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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