he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
