I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize