Screwed.edu
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
