also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
