; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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